Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

57 shares on Threads this month:

If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title.

72 shares on WeChat this month:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

43 shares on Facebook this month:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

So, technically, Moses is the first man to download files from the cloud using a tablet.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

85 shares on Messenger this month:

Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.