Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.
  • All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.
  • I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.
  • The sexual tension between my tendency to do something stupid and my resolve not to.
  • My eye doctor is alarmingly young and when he said he thought I had a chalazion or a hordoleum, I thought he might be referencing Pokémon.
  • Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.