Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I will improve my life after I doom scroll a little more. Yes.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Screen time so high, I should send another risky message and then ignore my cell phone for three days.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Stop asking me if I’m tired. Can’t I just be ugly?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn’t recognize her without makeup.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,340

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Trending via LinkedIn:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Just landed via Threads:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Playing Mortal Kombat at an arcade in the 90’s would fix me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

Live now on WhatsApp:

At this point, the only thing that can heal me is memory loss.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“There’s something beautifully intimate about never speaking to a person again.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to skirt the issue.

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

2 months ago

0

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Breaking News: Future president plans to bend time! 🌀⏳ Say goodbye to rush hour traffic and hello to 'Happy Hour, Part 2'! 🍸🎉 Who needs a TARDIS when we've got a president with time-bending powers? ⏰🇺🇸 #PresidentialPriorities"

change, funny idea, hour, humor, i, idea, politics, president, time

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

0

2 months ago

animals, drunk, duck, humor, observation, talk, talking, walks
If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

0

2 months ago

12, 1970s, 1980s, 80s, anything, humor, i, keith, Keith Richards, Marlboro, Marlboros, million, resilience, richards, smoking, survival, survive
Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

0

2 months ago

another, cars, community, conflict, cops, front, gossip, house, humor, likes, neighbors, nothing, tension, together
Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

0

2 months ago

anyone, confusion, humor, irony, know, point, pondering, question, quick, sarcasm, super
Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

0

2 months ago

dinner, downstairs, eat, enemies, enemies to lovers, family, family dinner, gay, good, humor, i, ID, just, lovers, man, only, parents, relationship, stereotype, wanted, woman, yell
Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

0

2 months ago

being, boy, child, childhood, horror, isolation, nail, only, only child, shining, sibling

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Opinions are like air fryers. Everyone’s got one and they won’t stop banging on about them.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.

95 shares on X this month:

Never eat more than you can lift.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.

56 shares on Discord this month:

Vibrators are wrong and unnatural. The Bible said Adam and Eve, not Florence and the Machine.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Post-standing clarity is like, damn, I could have been sitting this whole time.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,357

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

The only hot singles in my area are in my wallet.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Your coworker is not hot; they’re just within 10 feet of you 40 hours a week.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Remember: The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Told my girl I’m tired of her dramas and she bought me an energy drink.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Spotted on YouTube:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Going viral on WeChat:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Just landed via WeChat:

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

Making waves on Threads:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

Shared recently on Reddit:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Live now on TikTok:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴