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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Just landed via WeChat:

An escape room, but it’s a bean bag chair in a hammock on a water bed in a bouncy house and you’re over 40. Good luck!

Trending via Twitch:

Sleep hits different when you’re not supposed to be sleeping.

Spreading quickly via X:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Trending via Slack:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Trending via Reddit:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Just shared via YouTube:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a broom when you can flambé the mess away? 🔥🍂 Though, maybe save the flamethrower for the backyard and stick with the leaf blower for inside the house! 😄 #CleaningInStyle"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

Updated

4 hours ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

A man’s home is his castle, but his garage is his sanctuary.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

Just shared via Slack:

This bouncer’s lucky I’m with my lady and physically frightened of him or he’d be in a world of pain.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Just landed via TikTok:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Broadcasted on X:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

Spotted on TikTok:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Just shared via Threads:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m not lazy, I’m on power saving mode.

Shared recently on X:

We’ve had far more storms since we started naming them. We’re giving them the attention they crave. Just call it needy wind.

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