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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

90% of my thoughts start with: “What can I eat now?”

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I am so out of shape right now, that if someone yelled “run for your life!” I’d be like “ya’ll go ahead, I’m meetin’ Jesus today!”

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

2 hours ago

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Reported on Slack:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Just shared via Slack:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Reported on TikTok:

A.I. should be forced to wait tables before it’s allowed to make art.

Seen just now on Threads:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Going viral on Twitch:

There is no bigger lie than “fun for the whole family”.

Going viral on Reddit:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Spotted on Threads:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

6 months ago

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🥑 "Well well well, just another day of opening an avocado and thinking 'Where's my surprise toy?' Clearly, the avocado industry needs to step up its game. Maybe a tiny avocado-shaped keychain or a mini avocado plushie wouldn't hurt, right? Come on, avocados, don't be so pit-ty!" 🥑😂

avocado, complaint, different, humor, inside, kill, makers, novelty, put, surprise, toy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2246 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,408

Funny Quotes Topics

15,116

Funny Quotes Images

12,408

2 hours ago

3,454

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

My last straw is way longer than I thought.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

Going viral on Messenger:

Tried to sleep by reading a boring book and now it’s suddenly the most interesting book.

Making waves on Discord:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Making waves on YouTube:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

If you ever need me, call me any time, day or night, and I’ll return your call when I get around to it.

Making waves on Discord:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

Trending via Messenger:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

Trending via TikTok:

There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Trending via YouTube:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

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