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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Netflix & by yourself.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

You see how in cartoons, when they’re hungry, their friends start looking like a chicken leg? That’s how ovulation feels.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,378

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Going viral on Twitch:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Just shared via Telegram:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Is this art or trash?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

Breaking via Discord:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Making waves on X:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

0
Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?
Download image ↓

Commentary:
🥑 "Well well well, just another day of opening an avocado and thinking 'Where's my surprise toy?' Clearly, the avocado industry needs to step up its game. Maybe a tiny avocado-shaped keychain or a mini avocado plushie wouldn't hurt, right? Come on, avocados, don't be so pit-ty!" 🥑😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Not to brag, but I was unhinged way before it was cool.

22 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anyone got any good sins for someone just getting into sinning?

18 shares on Reddit this month:

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

43 shares on YouTube this month:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Bok Choy is a dope name for a vegetable.

93 shares on Slack this month:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The final stage of being single is when you listen to a love song and no one comes to mind; at that point, you’ve achieved absolute singularity.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

There is literally no rule that says you have to get married and start a family. Normalize splitting a mansion with your five best friends and ten dogs.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,721

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has downloaded:

When I get the vibe from someone that fitting in is super important to them my first instinct is to bite them.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

You wish you had this many chins.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

The first five days after the weekend are the worst.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Just landed via X:

Why can’t men just call you pretty without wording it uncomfortably?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Just shared via Instagram:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Just landed via Threads:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I’ve found that the easiest way to do burpees is to just not do burpees. No pain, no pain.

Shared recently on Slack:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Going viral on X:

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

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