Someone from has bookmarked:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Someone from has downloaded:

Carrying a baby for nine months and then naming it Chet is insane.

Someone from has downloaded:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

Someone from has downloaded:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Someone from has viewed:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Someone from has viewed:

I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

Someone from has viewed:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

Someone from has bookmarked:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

Someone from has downloaded:

It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.