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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Potatoes make French fries, chips and vodka. It’s like the other vegetables aren’t even trying.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My playlist so bipolar. We either in love, depressed, or gang members.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Breaking via Telegram:

I wonder if this is all happening because I opened that umbrella inside.

Just shared via Twitch:

Much of my algorithm is based on when I paused while scrolling to grab a snack.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

Breaking via Discord:

The woman that cleaned my house could make a lot of money by threatening to release the before and after photos.

Just landed via Pinterest:

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

Making waves on TikTok:

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

Just landed via Instagram:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

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You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the iconic spin move! 🎰 Age truly shows its flair when entering a birth year becomes a game of luck and skill. 😂 Are you feeling like a contestant on the Wheel of Birth Years? Time to spin that dial and hope for a jackpot of wisdom and experience! 🧙‍♂️🦉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Waiting for toast to toast takes forever unless you walk away for 10 seconds, then it burns.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Goodbye, August, don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t mispronounce anything next to me and think I didn’t hear it.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

70 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

49 shares on Facebook this month:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

95 shares on Discord this month:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

21 shares on Pinterest this month:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

Hardly a day goes by without me being reminded that an academic degree has nothing to do with intelligence.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to try and be less of a people pleaser, is everyone ok with that?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Mind if I crawl into your DMs and stay there for a while?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Does everyone’s inner monologue have a laugh track?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Most of your problems emanate from assuming that you are intelligent. Ease into your stupidity, and be free.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m not addicted to coffee. We’re just very close.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Spice up your anxiety attack by playing the Jaws theme song.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

Trending via Reddit:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Trending via Telegram:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

Making waves on WeChat:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Just shared via Threads:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Spotted on Slack:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Just shared via X:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

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