50+ Funny Insult Jokes That Roast Without the Burn

New funny insult jokes

• I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

• A girl hating you is a million times better than her calling you a ‘nice guy’.

• Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

• I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

• There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

• Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

• Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

• I trust an insult more than I do a compliment.

• If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

• Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Top funny insult jokes

• If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

• “I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

• You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

• Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

• If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

• Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).

• My middle finger salutes you.

• Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

• Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

• One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Popular funny insult jokes

• You give my middle finger an erection.

• When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

• “It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

• There’s a special place in hell for people like you (next to me).

• “At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

• Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

• You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

• You look like something I drew with my left hand.

• You look like you suck at Mario Kart.

• Insulting me won’t work. I already said that to myself earlier.

More funny insult jokes

• “Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

• Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

• Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

• Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

• If I were a bird, you’d be the first person I’d shit on.

• Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

• I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

• To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

• I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

• I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Witty insult jokes

• Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

• People think I forgot the shit they said. Ain’t no expiration date on disrespect.

• Got sent to HR for calling someone a “jellyfish” — just floating around all day, doing absolutely nothing.

• You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

• Homeless man just called me a “loser,” and I showed him my house keys.

• You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

• Aren’t you a little old to be a bully?

• Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

• Your posts make me wish I could forget how to read.

• If boring was a brand, you’d be the ambassador.