50+ Funny Pizza Jokes That Deliver Maximum Laughs

New funny pizza jokes

• Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

• Want to come over? We can trauma dump, take a nap, and then order a pizza and watch a movie.

• If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

• If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

• Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

• Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

• Nothing tops a plain pizza.

• Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

• Do you think working at Pizza Hut would help you get a job at Sunglass Hut? You know, with all that hut experience?

• Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Top funny pizza jokes

• I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

• Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

• I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

• There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

• Forget mini pizzas. I want one so big it needs a forklift to rotate it.

• Instead of those cute mini pizzas, they should invent gigantic ones that take four people to carry.

• Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

• The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

• Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

• The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Popular funny pizza jokes

• I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

• Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

• My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

• I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

• Even on the coldest of days, there’s such peace found in the warm embrace of a hot pizza.

• Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

• Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

• Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

• In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

• I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

More funny pizza jokes

• If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

• Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

• Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

• Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

• I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

• I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

• I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

• Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

• Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

• The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Witty pizza jokes

• My only knowledge of animals is that turtles like pizza and cats like lasagna.

• When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

• I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

• My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

• Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

• My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

• The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

• I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

• One day you’re 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you’re 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

• I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.