“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

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Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

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I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

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It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

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I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

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I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

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My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

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Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

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I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

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I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

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Asking for a donation like Wikipedia every time someone asks me a question.