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Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

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The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

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Walmart was wild as hell today, so I fit right in.

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People that ask Grok “Is this true” are the reason our society is getting dumber by the minute.

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Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You tell people you’re not trying to drink and they act like you just turned down 100k.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

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I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

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‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.

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The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.