50+ Funny Always Quotes That Prove Consistency Can Be Ridiculously Funny

New funny always quotes

• I don’t understand why people have to “get ready for bed.” I am always ready for bed.

• I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

• Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

• There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

• Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

• When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

• If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

• Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

• Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

• I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Top funny always quotes

• When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

• I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

• Boobs always win. That’s why we don’t play rock, paper, boobs.

• The problem is I am always the problem.

• When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

• I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

• For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

• Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.

• Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”

Popular funny always quotes

• I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

• The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

• The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

• Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

• I love replying to people within seconds. Hello. I am here. Always.

• I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

• My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

• I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

• Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

• That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

More funny always quotes

• I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

• I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

• Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

• Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

• Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

• There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

• Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

• You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

• Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

• Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Witty always quotes

• Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

• You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

• It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

• I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

• “You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

• If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

• The paintings I always like the most in museums are the ones that have a bench.

• Why are moths always out at night when they like light so much? Wait til y’all find out about the sun.

• I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

• People who read and do research will always sound crazy to people who don’t.

Funny always quotes remind us that life’s little routines and repeated mistakes are comedy gold 🤣. Whether it’s always losing your keys 🔑, always saying “just one more episode” 📺, or always promising to start fresh on Monday 🗓️, we’re all creatures of hilarious habit 🤷‍♂️. These quotes are perfect for anyone who recognizes their own “always moments” and can’t help but laugh 😂. So embrace the repetition, laugh at the predictability, and enjoy the humor in the things we always do 🤪!