Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Tried to be a responsible adult today. Won’t be doing that again.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I can’t stop thinking about how a tanning bed really turns you into the human version of a gas station hot dog.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

I only go on LinkedIn to see what my coworkers looked like 15 years ago.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.