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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Dating to marry in a world filled with cheaters, situationships, and hook-up culture.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,760

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Just landed via Discord:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Going viral on YouTube:

Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

Just shared via TikTok:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

By the time someone says, ‘To make a long story short,’ it’s too late.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about storytelling delays, humorous and playful in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic "long story short" – the ultimate signal that you're already in for a narrative marathon! 🏃‍♂️💨 It's like putting a speed bump after driving through a pot-hole-ridden road. 🚗😂 Just embrace the inevitable tale-telling adventure and settle in for the long haul! 🎢✨

communication, conversation, humor, irony, late, short, someone, story, time

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50 shares on Reddit this month:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

In marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. Reject tradition.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

98 shares on Messenger this month:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

19 shares on Discord this month:

Unfortunately, if you want to end your single life, you have to do something. So that’s not for me.

91 shares on TikTok this month:

Twitter is basically introverts gone wild.

30 shares on Discord this month:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey girl, do you like my signals? I mixed them myself.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I like to do a task by worrying about it for three weeks and then finally dedicating 10 solid minutes to completing it.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Being a goldfish must be brilliant. Every six seconds you’re pleasantly surprised to find that you live in a castle.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

“Too much garlic”? What’s next? Too much love? Too much desire?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Going viral on TikTok:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

You were promised to me 3,000 years ago.

Just shared via WeChat:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Live now on Slack:

The closer you are to nature, the further you are from idiots.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Just shared via X:

It’s interesting growing up and discovering that most adults are not that clever. I had my suspicions as a kid but I didn’t think the situation was this dire.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Shared recently on TikTok:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Trending via LinkedIn:

The good news is that I’ve been finding new ways to waste my time.

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