A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

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We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

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It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

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If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

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No one comes off looking worse than the third party who was asked to interfere in a couple fight.

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Me driving at night: I hope this is the road!

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I would never put up a lost dog poster. I’m not letting the whole neighborhood know I fumbled.

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My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.