Commentary:
👮♂️🤧 "Ah, the classic 'dad sneeze' lineup – where you don't need an eyewitness, just a good ear for that unmistakable 'Achoo!' in the crowd… Or maybe just follow the trail of dropped dad jokes! 🕵️♂️😅"
New funny quotes ✨
Commentary:
Looks like trying to find that elusive movie on your 13 streaming services is the real plot twist of the night 🎬💸 Who needs a scavenger hunt when you can just pay $2.99 for a movie marathon entertainment? 🍿😂
Commentary:
🌱☀️ "It's like the plant is the ultimate drama queen of the garden! 'Oh no, too much sunlight, I just can't handle it!' Come on, buddy, you're literally from the great outdoors! Get it together, plant!" 😂🌿
Commentary:
"Well, that spiderweb video was a crucial part of my phone's memory bank for so long, but it's time to make space for more important things like 100 more cat memes 📱🕷️🕸️ #PrioritiesShifted"
Commentary:
Ah, a true cupid of unconventional tastes! 💘🏹 Who needs arrows when you have baby Cupids with their tiny bows, aiming for hearts with pinpoint accuracy? 😄 Those Valentine's Day shenanigans have got nothing on you and your unique approach to romance! 😉 #CupidJunior
Commentary:
"Every gangster's bravado fades away when the ominous ding-dong of the doorbell echoes through the house. 🚪🔔 It's the ultimate reality check of adulthood – answer the door or live in denial as a reclusive mob boss! 😂"
Commentary:
"Remember, parents are just winging it too! 🤷♂️🤦♀️ After all, who needs a manual when you can create one with trial and error? 😂 #Parenting101 #MistakesWereMade"
Commentary:
"Adulting is like a twisted game of Monopoly – except instead of collecting $100, you're suddenly drowning in $1000 debt 🎲💸 #TheRealBoardGameOfLife"
Commentary:
"When is the best time to visit the Maldives? When your wallet is feeling hefty and your bank account is singing 'hallelujah! 💸☀️🏝️' It's all about that perfect timing in more ways than one! #TravelGoals"
Commentary:
🤣 Sure, just be prepared to leave a part of yourself behind for posterity! 🐾 Who needs a fancy rug when you've got a friend like me shedding everywhere, right? 🙈 #FriendshipGoals #PetHairEverywhere
Commentary:
"Does anyone else feel personally victimized by Monday's relentless return? 🙄 Let's petition to replace it with a second Sunday, who's with me? 🙌 #MondaySlander"