Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you… Commentary:"Alcohol: the original performance-enhancing elixir – unless you count stumbling and slurred speech as top-tier talents! 🍹🙃 #DrinkResponsibly" Related Funny Posts 🤝 Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug, but you’re not gonna like the performance. Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone. I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs. My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem. I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.