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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves while he does.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

My kids are smart but sometimes they say dumb stuff like, “Mom, why do you always buy Snickers when you’re the only one who likes them?”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,344

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Going viral on Instagram:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Going viral on Twitch:

Eating fast food shouldn’t count for calories because it’s not around long enough.

Trending via Threads:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Spotted on Telegram:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Shared recently on X:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Just landed via TikTok:

The cynicism of those who urge me not to do what I can to help the Nigerian royal family.

Trending via Threads:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

2 months ago

0

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like time travel runs in the family! 🕰️✨ Maybe they passed down a secret Time-Turner or a DeLorean is hiding in the garage. 🚗 Who needs a TARDIS when you have a multi-generational time-travel lineage! 🔮👴👦 #TimeTravelGenes"

before, child, desire, family, generation, grandson, humor, i, nostalgia, time, time traveller, traveller, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

0

2 months ago

again, before, cozy, dark, daylight, great, hour, humor, left, relaxation, sleeping, still, time, winter
I survived a Monday, and for what? Tuesday? Disgusting.

0

2 months ago

disgusting, frustration, humor, i, Monday, sarcasm, survival, Tuesday, weekday, workweek
I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

0

2 months ago

25, 30, basketball, commercial, commercials, delay, excitement, exciting, foul, game, humor, last, minutes, ready, seconds, sports, stretch, time-out
Village life is when you send two kids out to play and six kids come back hungry.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, family, hungry, kids, life, outdoor, outdoor activity, play, send, six, village, village life
If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

0

2 months ago

4, achievement, diet, food, gain, humor, just, means, overachiever, pound, pounds, weekend
Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

0

2 months ago

adolescence, again, communication, day, English, expectation, forward, humor, language, looking, parenting, speaking, teenager

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

100 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

28 shares on Instagram this month:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

78 shares on Slack this month:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

People acting all happy and energized first thing in the morning. Chill out! You aren’t a Teletubby.

26 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m tired of things costing money.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when someone gives me a valid solution to my problem and I have to find something new to complain about.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,609

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

“Lmao” has survived and even thrived over the years, but its cousin “rofl” has faded into indignity. The cruelty of fate.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Going viral on WeChat:

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Spreading quickly via X:

“You’re always sleeping!” God forbid a girl wants to be unconscious.

Spotted on Twitch:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Spotted on Instagram:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?

Spotted on Threads:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

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