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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Why did they have to bleep out everything R2D2 said?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Proverbs are so mean. Like, I don’t deserve any worm because I woke up at 11am? Like, no worm at all?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

763 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,925

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,925

39 minutes ago

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on WhatsApp:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Reported on TikTok:

Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.

Trending via Threads:

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

Just landed via Snapchat:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Just landed via Twitch:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I hate lying to my parents but it’s for their own good.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Spotted on YouTube:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Seen just now on Slack:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Trending via X:

Dua Lipa is a fantastic singer AND Mario’s advice to Luigi when he wants to get on a slightly higher platform.

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

6 months ago

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like someone's really trying to push the limits of the naughty list this year 🎅📸 Who knew Santa was into more than just milk and cookies? 🍪😏 Hope you've been good this year, or else those nudes might end up on the Christmas card! 🎄🎅🚫 #SantaSaysNoToNudes

absurdity, asking, Christmas, holiday, humor, joke, nudes, request, Santa

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

763 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,925

Funny Quotes Topics

13,894

Funny Quotes Images

10,925

39 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Family fistfights brought to you by Monopoly.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Just shared via Facebook:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Every Reddit relationship post is like “My husband dropped a big piano on my head and when I emerged from the rubble my teeth had been replaced by the keys. Am I in the wrong?”

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Just landed via Discord:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Making waves on YouTube:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

Going viral on Twitch:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

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