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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I lied, there’s no sex. Can you tell me a bedtime story?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Tried counting sheep, but now I’m emotionally invested in their backstories and I think one might need therapy.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,754

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Making waves on Instagram:

Unpopular opinion: a honeymoon is more needed 5 to 10 years down the road, versus right after getting married.

Just shared via Messenger:

If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t argue with my kids anymore. I just vacuum every surface of the living room while they’re trying to watch TV.

Going viral on Slack:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Breaking via Threads:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Just landed via Discord:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Shoutout to Netflix for being the only one that checks in on me every few hours. “Are you still watching?” Yeah, babe, thank you for asking.

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

2 months ago

0

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like someone's really trying to push the limits of the naughty list this year 🎅📸 Who knew Santa was into more than just milk and cookies? 🍪😏 Hope you've been good this year, or else those nudes might end up on the Christmas card! 🎄🎅🚫 #SantaSaysNoToNudes

absurdity, asking, Christmas, holiday, humor, joke, nudes, request, Santa

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

0

5 months ago

beach, career, career change, change, humor, job, quitting, quitting job, reading, tarot, tarot reading, topless
Cows are very calm, considering the whole floor is food to them.

0

2 months ago

animals, calm, cow, farm, floor, food, humor, whole
My shadow quit because I’m too boring.

0

2 months ago

boredom, boring, humor, quit, self-deprecation, shadow, too
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I’m camping, I won’t be covered.

0

2 months ago

activity, camping, company, coverage, fun, fun activity, i, insurance, stolen, tent
Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, ever, family, gathering, gun, holiday, humor, situation, Thanksgiving, uncle
Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

0

2 months ago

actually, demoralization, else, experience, frustration, humor, hunting, job, job hunting, job search, life, life experience, little, most, nothing, personal, personal reflection, realize, reflection, search, self-doubt

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

60 shares on Threads this month:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

57 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

11 shares on X this month:

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

93 shares on YouTube this month:

You should always wear a helmet when doing dangerous things or talking about politics.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

32 shares on Discord this month:

What is Washington’s plan to make everything bagels less messy to eat?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Strict parents raise good liars.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve faced more peer pressure to watch certain TV shows than to do drugs.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Elections make you feel like we’re all in divorce court waiting to see who gets custody of us.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

David Attenborough narrating my life: “He’s still sleeping.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Our childhood photos might be ugly but those smiles were definitely not fake.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

D was probably like “lmao ok” when they named the alphabet the ABCs

6 folks are currently checking 👀

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,643

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Some people are living proof that brain failure does not immediately lead to death.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Libraries were a good start, but we need more places where people can’t talk.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Breaking via Instagram:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

According to my Spotify Wrapped, I am what got played the most this year.

Going bananas on Slack:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

Just shared via Instagram:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

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