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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Making waves on Threads:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Breaking via Reddit:

When you are a leg-bouncer and someone asks you to stop, it’s like they’re asking you to stop your own heart.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Making waves on Telegram:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Trending via Threads:

Donuts are beautiful creatures, and they deserve their own week on the nature channels.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

3 weeks ago

Humorous text about daring holiday wishes, featuring playful, cheeky humor about Santa and nudes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like someone's really trying to push the limits of the naughty list this year 🎅📸 Who knew Santa was into more than just milk and cookies? 🍪😏 Hope you've been good this year, or else those nudes might end up on the Christmas card! 🎄🎅🚫 #SantaSaysNoToNudes

absurdity, asking, Christmas, holiday, humor, joke, nudes, request, Santa

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Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Discord this month:

I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

I will play my favorite song until the artist comes out of my phone to ask for water.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

I would rather walk barefoot across a carpet made out of Legos than go to my high school reunion.

88 shares on X this month:

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

68 shares on Discord this month:

My middle finger salutes you.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

We’ve got a shituation here.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Eating spaghetti to forgetti my regretti.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite conspiracy theory is that everything is going to be OK.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s almost time to put winter tires on the struggle bus.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,489

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Time needs a speed limit.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

Sorry, I can’t hang out. I don’t know enough words.

Just shared via TikTok:

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

Trending via Instagram:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Shared recently on Slack:

They should invent a day where it all works out.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Spotted on Twitch:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Just shared via TikTok:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

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