Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?
  • How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?
  • Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.
  • I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
  • One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.
  • My company promotes diversity. We’d never hire twins.