Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.
  • Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.
  • I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.
  • Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.
  • Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this Thanksgiving party started.
  • Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.