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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I still get so surprised every time someone I find attractive finds me attractive. Like, are you sure?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Some people you look at or hear talking and think to yourself, the wheel may be turning, but the hamster is dead.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,486

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

A mustache is just mouth bangs.

Broadcasted on Discord:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Vegetables are actually pretty good when they’re fried.

Going bananas on Discord:

Sleep well, middle finger—you’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Going viral on Messenger:

I have now spread out a blue tarpaulin in the garden. I want it to look like I have a pool on Google Maps.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The moment when I drop my phone, but my fast reflexes slam it into a bloody wall.

Live now on Threads:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

2 months ago

0

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the age-old battle between cake and utensils! 🍰🍴 It seems like the plastic fork just can't handle the sheer awesomeness of cake – it's like trying to use a feather to lift a boulder! Perhaps the cake needs to come with a warning label: "Caution: may cause plastic forks to retreat in defeat!" 😂

cake, dessert, eat, enjoyment, food, fork, harder, humor, much, plastic, plastic fork

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

0

2 months ago

argue, conversation, else, everyone, humor, i, introspection, just, me, myself, sarcasm, self, talk, wants, wit, yes
I’ve got a headache, and it’s affecting my entire future.

0

2 months ago

frustration, future, got, headache, humor, sarcasm
I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

0

2 months ago

abuse, dying, humor, i, me, people, sarcasm
Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

0

1 month ago

apology, bad, bad day, bad year, bro, day, distraction, having, humor, just, sorry, year, zoning, zoning out
I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

0

5 months ago

anxiety, communication, hesitation, humor, i, need, person, self-respect, shame, social, social anxiety, text, texting, want
What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

0

2 months ago

captcha, human, humor, image, images, irony, light, lights, select, technology, traffic, traffic light, us

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Instagram this month:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

If rich people aren’t upset after an election, then we have failed.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Do you think protein wants to be in all these things?

62 shares on X this month:

I don’t care if I’m standing in the window, if I said I ain’t home, I ain’t home.

94 shares on Reddit this month:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

39 shares on X this month:

I think I’m about six months away from the perfect ‘before’ picture.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Weird. I’m the only one naked at this gender reveal party.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

There is no physiological reason to yell when you sneeze. People who do that are simply weak and rude.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I missed your call. I saw that you were calling and immediately threw my phone into an active volcano.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I even procrastinate things I actually want to do.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

May the algorithms be with you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,690

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

You can tell it’s laundry day because I’m wearing flippers and a Viking helmet.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

I saved a ton of money on a security system by stealing my neighbor’s.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Elliott didn’t care about E.T. He just wanted a flying bike.

Breaking via WeChat:

My friends have canceled our dinner plans two nights in a row. I’m starting to think they don’t like dinner.

Just landed via Messenger:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Spotted on TikTok:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Just shared via X:

The worst part about being drunk and seeing double is when you realize it’s just one slice of pizza.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

Live now on TikTok:

Mothers will invent chores just to be mad you’re not doing them too.

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