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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Deleting dating apps to meet someone the old-fashioned way (in the HR department).

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Dating outside of your education bracket leads to misunderstandings and arguments.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Microdosing hell by checking the web every day.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

All we needed to be happy in the 90s was music and cigarettes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I love your niche references! Are you typically ignored in large groups, by any chance?

Just shared via TikTok:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

We’re limited only by our imagination and some federal agencies.

Shared recently on Reddit:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Spotted on Facebook:

Ever read a post multiple times, still tilt your head and whisper, “What?!”

Spotted on Pinterest:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t forget to tell yourself more lies today.

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Witty text about cookies humorously redefining "tough cookie" as the worst treat.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew being tough could be so crumbly and dry? 🍪😅 Maybe we should stick to calling people 'soft cookies' instead! 😉 #ToughLove"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

56 shares on Threads this month:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

35 shares on Slack this month:

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

23 shares on Threads this month:

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

95 shares on WeChat this month:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d watch him dig a hole at the beach and be like, “Wowww, baby, good job. That’s a beautiful hole.

39 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

54 shares on Discord this month:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

61 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody shoots annoying people into the sun anymore and that’s why there are so many of them left on earth.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t “make friends”. I get adopted by extroverts and they make me do things.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Carrying a conversation counts as cardio.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Excited for my husband to get back from his trip, so I can sit him down for a little presentation of all the internet videos I saved for him to watch.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Always remember, if you ever need me, I’m just several phone calls and unread texts away.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Back to work at last! I couldn’t sleep for sheer anticipation.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,423

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

The only thing smart about you is your wisdom tooth.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Trending via Facebook:

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

Making waves on X:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Having an international law degree in this day and age must be what it feels like losing chess to a dog and getting robbed of $90,000 afterward.

Spotted on Telegram:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Spotted on Telegram:

Be the funny, awkward silence breaker you want to see in the world.

Going viral on Telegram:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

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