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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinny-dipping for me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Dating apps never work for me because I need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

You wake up at 6 a.m. and it’s like you have 48 hours instead of 24.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,307

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Just shared via Discord:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Hell hath no fury like a toddler getting his nose wiped.

Just landed via TikTok:

You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast.

Shared recently on X:

When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.

Going bananas on TikTok:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Just shared via Facebook:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Seen just now on Threads:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Absent father sucks, but have you met the final boss, the father who is actually in your life every day but emotionally unavailable, lol.

Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.

0
Dearest, I beg of you, sleep properly and go for walks.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic plea for a balanced lifestyle! Dearest, may your sleep be as deep as your love for memes, and may your walks be as brisk as your scroll through social media! 💤🚶‍♂️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

87 shares on Threads this month:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

31 shares on Reddit this month:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

32 shares on TikTok this month:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

What genius called it road rage and not locomotive?

53 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Work smarter, not harder.” Brother, I’m not doing either of those things.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s comical when I lean back in my chair only to realize it’s a stool.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Neurodivergents will be like, ‘I’m so tired,’ and then refuse to sleep because they haven’t had enough me time after surviving the day.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If I worked construction, I would always say, “It’s hammer time,” when I left for work.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Just shared via YouTube:

My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Trending via Pinterest:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

Freshly posted on X:

Remember when we were young and said “I’ll sleep when i’m older”? Well, now we can’t when we want to.

Just shared via Slack:

Interviewer: “What did you learn from your previous job?” Me: “That I need a new job.”

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

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