LAWRENCE—In a shocking revelation, dermatologists announced a new phase of human evolution, characterized by hair growth in unexpected areas and loss where desired. “It’s nature’s way of saying, ‘Surprise!’” said Dr. Emily Frazz, hair expert and perennial thread enthusiast.
The study states humans are embracing this unprecedented phase, dubbed ‘Reverse Evolution’. “Forget birds and bees, it’s more like bushes and bald spots now,” added local philosopher Dan Baldly, basking in the irony.
Moreover, shampoo sales have taken a curious turn as companies introduce products promoting ‘acceptance’. “The key to adulting is to pay premium for hair you wish to evict or desperately wish would return,” concluded Frazz as she unveiled ‘The Welcoming & Wishing Kit’.