Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

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People who work in customer service should be allowed to fight one customer a day. Two on Fridays.

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When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

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What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

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I will not stop replying with gifs. I am a Millennial, it’s my birthright.

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Happy new fear!

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It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

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Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

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Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

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There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.