Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
“I like to keep my schedule as empty as my fridge on a Monday morning – so if you want me to show up, give me a heads-up! My plan to do nothing is a serious commitment that requires proper notice!”

change, doing, doing nothing, invitation, last, last minute, management, minute, need, nothing, plan, procrastination, schedule, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on TikTok this month:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

33 shares on X this month:

Ramen is just anime spaghetti.

73 shares on Slack this month:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

91 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Time After Time” is my favorite song about doing the dishes.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

73 shares on TikTok this month:

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

Men be like “I would do anything for you,” and then do nothing.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

Females be cheating in healthy relationships, but are faithful in toxic ones.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

I’m at an age now where I start sentences with “I’m at an age now.”

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Not pretty enough for Instagram, not funny enough for Twitter. Welcome to WhatsApp status.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Trending via Facebook:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Trending via Messenger:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Making waves on TikTok:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Making waves on Twitch:

The subtle art of surviving this life with grace and dignity.

Trending via Reddit:

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

Spotted on X:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

Just landed via X:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Making waves on Messenger:

My doctor just diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation. Now I’m worried shitless.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Sleeping in now means waking up without the alarm clock, but still at the same time.

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

The miracle of DoorDash is that I just pick up my phone, punch a few things into it, and within half an hour I have, at my door, a $52 salad.

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨