Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
“I like to keep my schedule as empty as my fridge on a Monday morning – so if you want me to show up, give me a heads-up! My plan to do nothing is a serious commitment that requires proper notice!”

change, doing, doing nothing, invitation, last, last minute, management, minute, need, nothing, plan, procrastination, schedule, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

0

2 months ago

always, am, fatigue, humor, i, otherwise, say, tired
In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

0

2 months ago

activity, bowling, comparison, end, energy, expectations, experience, fun, fun activity, high, high hopes, hopes, humor, lowered, lowered self-esteem, pancakes, self-esteem
My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

0

2 months ago

air, alcohol, drink, flask, humor, optimism, positivity, thin
I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

0

2 months ago

chores, feel, fine, frustration, honesty, household, humor, i, just, know, left, let, lie, machine, me, much, need, never, time, understand, washing, washing machine
Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

0

2 months ago

DVD, entertainment, fight, humor, joke, just, mail, maybe, Netflix, streaming, us
Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

0

2 months ago

activity, choice, choose, distraction, fun, fun activity, GIF-war, humor, over, procrastination, responsibility, sometimes

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on X this month:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

55 shares on Telegram this month:

Everybody loves that comfort food until you end up with that comfort body.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

99 shares on Discord this month:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

82 shares on Instagram this month:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Be the reason someone smiles today. Or blocks you. Whatever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

All I’m saying is that big burgers should be wider not taller.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

We should be able to take our arms off when we go to sleep, we have the technology.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

You know you’re mature when you go to the dentist and you are no longer afraid of pain, but of how much it costs.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Shared recently on Threads:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Trending via Slack:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

As I get older, I’m understanding why everything needs to be done before 12 p.m.

Making waves on Facebook:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Live now on Threads:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Trending via Reddit:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m so old, I used to cry as a child because I fell off my skateboard or bike, not because I didn’t have wifi.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Hand sanitizer will find a cut you didn’t even know you had.

Spotted on YouTube:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨