Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Age ceases to be just a number everytime the airline announces seating queue priority.
  • The best part of vacation with your extended family is talking shit about them on the trip home.
  • When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
  • I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry, bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.
  • A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.
  • I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.