Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Are you my appendix? Cause you seem kind of useless to me.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I’ll marry the person who can go to a family event with me and still like me afterward.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

It’s weird when you realize that what you thought was rock bottom was actually somewhere around rock middle.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.