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Commentary:
"Ah, elections – where suspense is high, nerves are shot, and family dinners get a bit awkward! 🗳️😬 Just hoping for a clean bill of health for democracy! 🤞🏥 #ElectionDayDrama"

biopsy, cancer, election, elections, except, family, half, hopes, humor, irony, results, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

0

2 months ago

answering, answering machine, communication, humor, irony, jokes, machine, misnomer, technology, wordplay
They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

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2 months ago

break, breaks, give, health, humor, irony, lifespan, smoker, smokers, taken, time
Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

0

2 months ago

after, authentication, codes, drama, existence, humor, impossible, mission, Mission Impossible, seconds, security, suburban, thank
There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

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2 months ago

accident, animals, buy, car, funny situation, giant, going, humor, humor about animals, new, situation, spider, unexpected, vehicle
Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

0

2 months ago

animal, encouragement, every, horse, horses, humor, i, motivation, perseverance, quit, remember, stop, time
Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

0

3 months ago

AI, before, birth, born, dead, death, dystopia, future, glad, got, humanity, humor, i, internet, life, technology, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

78 shares on Threads this month:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

57 shares on Discord this month:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

73 shares on Threads this month:

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

59 shares on Reddit this month:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

11 shares on YouTube this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

71 shares on X this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men playing hard to get when they’re already hard to want, is so funny to me.

76 shares on Threads this month:

Buying something nice for myself, cuz today would’ve been my birthday if I was born today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

How I clean my room: 1. Start in one corner. 2. Find something from six years ago and stare at it nostalgically for five hours. 3. Go to bed.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Tattoo idea for men: spider webs in the corners of the receding hairline.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I only squeak when I’m squoken to.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Just shared via X:

Nobody is doing it like me because this is probably not the right way to do it.

Going bananas on Slack:

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

Freshly posted on Discord:

If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Spotted on Slack:

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Millionaires and multi-billion dollar companies be like, “We’re doing our part by asking the poor to donate to the poor.”

Trending via Messenger:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Shouldn’t it have been called the ‘not answering machine’?

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Glad to be born at a time when I got to see what life was like before the internet, and will be dead before AI completely destroys humanity.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨