47 funny except quotes - Wordgag

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

May 30, 2026

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

May 30, 2026

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

May 30, 2026

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

May 30, 2026

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

May 29, 2026

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

May 29, 2026

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

May 29, 2026

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

May 29, 2026

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

May 29, 2026

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

May 29, 2026

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

May 28, 2026

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

May 28, 2026

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

May 28, 2026

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

May 28, 2026

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

May 28, 2026

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

May 28, 2026

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

May 28, 2026

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

May 28, 2026

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

May 28, 2026

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

May 27, 2026

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

May 27, 2026

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

May 27, 2026

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

May 27, 2026

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

May 26, 2026

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

May 26, 2026

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

May 26, 2026

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

May 25, 2026

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

May 24, 2026

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

May 24, 2026

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

May 24, 2026

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

May 24, 2026

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

May 24, 2026

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

May 24, 2026

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

May 24, 2026

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

May 23, 2026

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

May 23, 2026

Ants can be found on every continent except Antarctica, which is weird considering their name.

May 23, 2026

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

May 23, 2026

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

May 23, 2026

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

May 22, 2026