47 funny except quotes - Wordgag

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

May 22, 2026

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

May 22, 2026

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

May 22, 2026

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

May 22, 2026

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

May 22, 2026

Dance like nobody’s watching, except God, the NSA, and Santa Claus.

May 21, 2026

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

May 21, 2026

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

May 19, 2026

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

May 19, 2026

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

May 19, 2026

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

May 19, 2026

I brake for no one, except squirrels.

May 18, 2026

I would do anything for a job, except write a cover letter.

May 6, 2026

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Apr 1, 2026

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Apr 1, 2026

I would do absolutely anything to get 8 hours of sleep, except for going to bed 8 hours before I need to wake up.

Apr 1, 2026

I just need my friends to know I would do absolutely anything for them, except reply to their message.

Apr 1, 2026

Everything is about sex except Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is about power.

Apr 1, 2026

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Mar 31, 2026

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

Mar 31, 2026

Dating again after you break up with a long-term partner is like dying in a video game and ending up back at the start to do it all again, except with less health.

Mar 31, 2026

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Mar 31, 2026

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Mar 31, 2026

It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol.

Mar 31, 2026

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

Mar 31, 2026

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

Mar 31, 2026

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Mar 31, 2026

I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.

Mar 30, 2026

I’ve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.

Mar 30, 2026

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

Mar 30, 2026

Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

Mar 30, 2026

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Mar 29, 2026

I’m letting go of all earthly attachment — exactly like Buddha, except for the things I like and want.

Mar 29, 2026

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Mar 29, 2026

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Mar 28, 2026

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Mar 27, 2026

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

Mar 27, 2026

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Mar 27, 2026

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Mar 27, 2026

Good morning to everyone except people that talk to the cashier about their entire day.

Mar 27, 2026