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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

The holidays may be over by my work ethic is still out of the office.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Humanity doesn’t always make a compelling case for its continued existence.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Just shared via Threads:

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Making waves on WeChat:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Freshly posted on Slack:

People say “go big or go home” like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there.

Going viral on TikTok:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Live now on LinkedIn:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Spotted on Messenger:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

7 days ago

Humorous text about the weekend start, combining laziness with a playful attitude.

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Commentary:
🎉 TGIF! Time to take out the trash… both literally and figuratively! 😂 Remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure… or in this case, just plain trash. Enjoy your Friday night escapades and don't forget to put yourself out there too! 🗑️💃 #TGIF #TrashTalk

activity, back, chores, Friday, fun, fun activity, garbage, go out, humor, i, right, weekend

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

61 shares on Instagram this month:

To think that billions in venture capital have been deployed because it was annoying to copy and paste from ChatGPT.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

96 shares on Threads this month:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

89 shares on Slack this month:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

82 shares on X this month:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

52 shares on Discord this month:

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You never hear anything about Mr. Rubik himself, only about his cube.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

There hasn’t been a single person in human history that was remembered for spending their life working a 9-5 job.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s no way the Scooby Doo gang never found a dead body.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,605

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Any house is an Airbnb if you’re quiet enough.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Alcohol is a vicious cycle: regret, recovery, repeat.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

I wish I could physically experience the inside of a lava lamp.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Just landed via Instagram:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

All the world’s a stage, and I always forget my line.

Just landed via Twitch:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

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