Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • When you say “You’re going to hate me for this,” you’re making a very large assumption that I don’t hate you already.
  • When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.
  • My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.
  • Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!
  • May her tire get flat with a dude who can’t change it.
  • Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.