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Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic holiday tradition of sacrificing a child to become the Master of Booby Traps! 🎄💥 Just make sure they don't outsmart you with their trap designs… 😄 #HomeAloneVibes"

booby, case, children, home, i, leave, reasons, recommend, security, set

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

0

2 months ago

confidence, cool, ear, good, humor, interviewer, job, magic, magic trick, quarter, think, trick, workplace
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

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2 months ago

asleep, fall, freak, humor, i, me, mean, people, quick, relax, sleep, thoughts
So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

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2 months ago

30, bank, estate, finance, house, humor, i, joke, mean, mortgage, own, ownership, real, real estate, reverse, take
Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

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2 months ago

bathroom, bathroom break, break, company, company time, humor, office, office supply, procrastination, steal, supply, take, theft, time, why, work, work humor, workplace, workplace humor
Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

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2 months ago

acceptance, attitude, behavior, confrontation, dislike, else, everyone, feeling, honesty, i, interaction, just, me, poor, social, social interaction, valid, valid feeling, while
America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

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2 months ago

America, anything, confusion, entertainment, happen, humor, just, know, plot, satire, show, storyline, television, too, TV, TV Show, writer, writers

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

66 shares on Threads this month:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

43 shares on X this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

The worst thing about being an adult is that you have to be one every single day.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my year book, I have some devastating news.

44 shares on Discord this month:

My body is a machine that turns pizza into diarrhea.

60 shares on Discord this month:

Of course I do cardio. It’s called running from my problems.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Don’t worry, I’m only dead inside from the waist up.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Girls be like “forget it, I’m fine” then set your house on fire.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

You ever wake up from your dreams impressed? Like, damn, that narrative structure was phenomenal.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Authenticity is whispered, but bullshit is broadcasted.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Waiting for the websites to start offering pizza instead of just cookies.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Going bananas on Discord:

“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Socks try to be monogamous, but most end up either single or having multiple different partners.

Trending via TikTok:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Just shared via Threads:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Going viral on TikTok:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

So, if I take out a reverse mortgage on my house does that mean I’ll own a bank after 30 years?

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

America is like that TV show that’s been on for too long, and the writers don’t know what to do, so they just make anything happen.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨