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2 months ago
Share →: I’m not addicted to Twitter. I’m just a really good listener so I want to know what everyone has to say.

Commentary:
"Apparently, my superpower is knowing everyone's shower thoughts! 🦸‍♂️🛀📱 #TweetWhisperer"
2 months ago
Share →: Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

Commentary:
When summer turns into an indoor adventure! ☀️❄️😂
2 months ago
Share →: Being excited to get in bed really is a different level of adulting.

Commentary:
Can't argue with that! Bed is basically the VIP lounge of adulting! 😴🛏️💪
2 months ago
Share →: The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Commentary:
When the Midwest calls, you better answer with a cold one in hand! 🍹🌞🍻 #PatioGoals
2 months ago
Share →: They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Commentary:
Absolutely, imagine the freedom of stepping outside and not feeling like a celebrity on paparazzi patrol! 😆🌳✨ Maybe one day, we'll have secret undercover outdoor zones where privacy is king. Until then, just embrace the urban jungle and practice your best "I'm totally normal" face! 😎🚶‍♂️🚶‍♀️
2 months ago
Share →: There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Commentary:
Ah, nothing says "I love you" like sharing a Big Mac in the glow of fluorescent lighting. Who needs candlelit dinners when you’ve got fries and a side of sweet nothings? 🍟❤️😂 #FastFoodRomance #McLove
2 months ago
Share →: Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Commentary:
Looks like you're trading sandy toes for suspenseful roars! 🦈🏖️ Nothing like a movie night to avoid the sea's surprise guests. Just make sure your kid doesn't start eyeing the water suspiciously! 😅🎬
2 months ago
Share →: It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Commentary:
Ah, the timeless ritual of warming up — because nothing says "ready for action" like finally rolling out of bed without pulling a muscle! 😅🛏️🔥 Remember, even your bed needs a warm-up before you launch into the day. 😉💪 #MorningStretchGoals
2 months ago
Share →: My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a full gym membership in procrastination, agility in jumping to wrong ideas, and strength in testing patience! 🏃‍♂️⏰🤪 Keep up the "training"—you're definitely building some serious life muscles! 💪😂
2 months ago
Share →: Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

Commentary:
"Life is short, so remember to prioritize arguing with strangers online over meaningful interactions and personal growth! 🕸️💻😆 #LifeGoals"