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213 Funny advice quotes

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  • Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

    Commentary:
    “Life’s too short to hold back those pearly whites! Flash that smile while you’ve still got all your chompers intact! 😁🦷 #SmileBright”

  • Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

    Commentary:
    “Sound advice: Take your medicine and avoid mini humans – nobody wants a headache, especially not from mischievous kiddos! 🤕💊👶”

  • If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

    Commentary:
    “Imagine being haunted by your own ghostly reminder to drink water 💧! That’s some next-level self-care even in the afterlife 👻. College me could definitely use a spectral nudge towards hydration…and maybe a few less all-nighters too! 😂 #GhostGoals”

  • If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

    Commentary:
    “Attention kings 🤴👑: When she claims you’re her whole world 🌎, just a gentle reminder that there are plenty of other planets out there! 🪐 Stay vigilant and keep exploring the galaxy of love! 🚀💫”

  • Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

    Commentary:
    “🐶🚽 When life gets ruff, remember: channel your inner dog! If that stressful situation isn’t food or a toy, just pee on it and strut away like a boss. #LifeAdvice #DoggoneGenius”

  • I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

    Commentary:
    “Learning from the mistakes of others can be both enlightening and entertaining. It’s like having a front-row seat to a show you helped produce! 🙃💡”

  • My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs vitamins and healthy living, when you have a healthy dose of spite and biscuits to keep you going strong until 90! 🍪😂 Granny’s secret recipe for longevity! #SpiteAndBiscuits”

  • People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, you hold the keys to your own sanity 🗝️ Keep those keys hidden like they’re a winning lottery ticket to avoid craziness winding up in your passenger seat! 🚗😜”

  • “What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the sweet taste of rebellion! 🍦🌟 Who knew that dinner time rules were meant to be broken? If only we could whisper to our younger selves: ‘Forget the veggies, go straight for the sprinkles!’ 😉 #IceCreamRevolution”

  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    Commentary:
    Why waste your breath when silence can speak volumes? 🤐💬 Sometimes the best words are the ones left unspoken. Take a pause, let your silence do the talking! 🤫👀

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