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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

That was pointless, we could’ve just stayed strangers.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has copied:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

I may look fine on the outside, but on the inside I’m hungry again.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,319

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Going bananas on Discord:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Just landed via WeChat:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

If you ever get attacked by a shark, just be a good sport about it and let it eat you. Hey, look on the bright side: It’s a rare occurrence, so you’re special.

Just landed via TikTok:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Broadcasted on X:

One day you said w00t for the last time, and didn’t even realize.

Making waves on Messenger:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Going viral on Slack:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Trending via Messenger:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Funny assumptions quotes

Funny assumptions quotes 😂 are the perfect way to laugh at those moments when we jump to conclusions and totally miss the mark! Whether it’s about friends, work, or everyday life, these witty gems remind us not to take assumptions too seriously. Get ready to chuckle, facepalm, and maybe even rethink that snap judgment with a sprinkle of humor! 🤪💭✨

New funny assumptions quotes 👇

All funny assumptions quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?

86 shares on Threads this month:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

73 shares on Threads this month:

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

59 shares on Discord this month:

Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Twerk unto others as you would have them twerk unto you.

75 shares on X this month:

If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can be under 25, just don’t do it around me.

91 shares on Twitch this month:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

56 shares on Threads this month:

I remember when “disinformation” used to be called “lies.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Whatever doesn’t kill you is probably still trying.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people’s high horses are actually donkeys.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,392

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

A big part of my job as a parent is moving things away from the edges of countertops.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Going viral on Telegram:

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Going viral on YouTube:

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Going viral on YouTube:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

Going viral on Threads:

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

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