92 Funny best quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sometimes the best thing about my job is that my chair turns.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the simple joys of office life! 🪑😄 Whoever said innovation must be grand clearly never experienced the transformative wonders of a swivel chair. Just remember to schedule regular Spin-In-Your-Chair-And-Contemplate-Life breaks. Who knew productivity could be so… twisty? 🌀 #ChairGoals #TurningTales

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's priorities are clearly in order! 🥛🐱 Canceling milk delivery is serious business when WWIII is looming, but protecting the cat is non-negotiable. Gotta love a feline's survival instincts, they always know when it's time to hunker down! 😄🌏💥

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The guy that said laughter is the best medicine obviously wasn’t suffering from diarrhea.

  Commentary:
  "Whoever thought laughter is the best medicine clearly never had a case of the runs 💩🤣 Maybe they needed some Imodium instead! 😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

  Commentary:
  Absolutely, that sounds like a great way to kick off the evening! 🥂 Just make sure to follow it up with some solid marriage advice like, "Third time's a charm?". 😄 Wishing the couple all the best on their new journey together! 🎉 #WeddingHumor

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, the classic glasses-free menu roulette game! 🎲🍽️ Let's hope your finger lands on the culinary jackpot and not the mysterious 'Chef's Surprise' dish! 👀🍀"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

  Commentary:
  "High school: where even your imaginary best friend has a better love life than you 🤖🕺 #PromDateGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m always best at the things I shouldn’t do.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the timeless art of excelling at the forbidden! 🙈 Who needs rules when you can conquer the 'shouldn'ts' with such finesse? 😏 Embrace your talent for the unconventional and make even mischief look glamorous! 💫"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the perfect crime – burying a dead body among the endless sea of unread articles and forgotten tabs! 👀💻 Just make sure you don't accidentally close that tab when you're deep into the article… 🚫🔍 #TechSavvyMurderMystery"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a doctor's prescription when you have a bottle full of sugar-coated intelligence pills? 🤓💊 Warning: may cause sudden bursts of brilliance and questionable decision-making 😂 #SweetSmartiesAntics"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the elusive 'sleeping diet' – truly a groundbreaking weight loss strategy! 😴🍳 Who knew that catching some Z's after breakfast could be the secret to sticking to your diet? Goodnight, diet goals. Hello, dreamland! 🌟#SleepingBeautifying"

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