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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Pretending you don’t notice people staring at you is a skill.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Pretty girls don’t compete. We sit pretty, count blessings, and ignore weird energy.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

If insomnia were a sport, I’d have endorsement deals.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I miss my bed. Why does it have to be so far from where I work?

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

It’s funny how sometimes you buy a book, then read it in two days, and sometimes you buy a book, and it lives on your bookshelf for 12 years.

Shared recently on Slack:

Sorry to any bands who see me yawn during their show. It’s not you, it’s just past 10pm.

Spotted on Telegram:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Trending via Twitch:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Making waves on Twitch:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Just shared via YouTube:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Trending via WeChat:

A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Spotted on YouTube:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Funny bodyguard quotes

New funny bodyguard quotes 👇

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

4 weeks ago

bodyguard, bullet, friendship, humor, love, loyalty, protection, sacrifice

All funny bodyguard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Threads this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

34 shares on YouTube this month:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

I need a new hobby that costs zero dollars and takes up 100% of my free time. So far, all I’ve come up with is mowing the lawn.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

You wish you had this many chins.

80 shares on Snapchat this month:

Does my special place in hell have wi-fi?

30 shares on Threads this month:

Some people are like clouds. When they go away it’s much better.

22 shares on X this month:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Girl, are you an Uber driver? Because you are driving me to drink.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Just shared via Slack:

The Jaws theme stays on during sex.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Going viral on TikTok:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Trending via WeChat:

If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?

Freshly posted on Discord:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Just shared via Reddit:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

Spotted on TikTok:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny bodyguard quotes

New funny bodyguard quotes 👇

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

All funny bodyguard quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨