Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

28 Funny crime quotes

When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

1 month ago

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

2 months ago

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

3 months ago

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

3 months ago

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

3 months ago

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

3 months ago

We need a true crime show called Downtown Stabby.

3 months ago

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

3 months ago

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

3 months ago

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

3 months ago

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

3 months ago

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

3 months ago

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

3 months ago

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

3 months ago

After ten true crime podcasts you start to think you could probably solve a murder. After a hundred you start to think you could probably get away with one.

3 months ago

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

3 months ago

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

3 months ago

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

3 months ago

What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

3 months ago