Commentary:
Looks like someone's on the naughty list this year! 🎅🏼🎄 Stealing Santa's donations? That's a bold move, Cotton-Headed Ninny Muggins! 🎁 Hope you enjoy your new title: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Cheer! 😂 #NotSoNaughtyList

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.
Commentary:
🚂 All aboard the Murder Mystery Express! 🔍🕵️♂️ Who needs regular hobbies when you can live out your Hercule Poirot dreams, right? Just imagine solving crimes in style with a cup of tea in one hand and a magnifying glass in the other. All eyes on you, detective extraordinaire! 🕵️♀️🚂

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.
Commentary:
Well, it's like watching a mystery unravel, only to find out the biggest mystery is how the police managed to misplace all the clues! 🕵️♂️🕵️♀️ Time to call in the detective squad… or maybe just the Scooby Gang! 🐶🔍
Commentary:
Oh, I can already see it now – "The Chronicles of the Cubicle: The Mysterious Case of the Missing Lunches" 🔍🎬 Who knew office drama could be so riveting? Just wait for the dramatic reenactments and cliffhanger endings!
Commentary:
🔪💼 "Introducing the latest hit sensation: Downtown Stabby! Watch as crime takes a stab at the ordinary in this cutting-edge series. Warning: may cause sharp laughter and pointed suspense! 🔍🚓"
Commentary:
"I swear, officer, it was self-defense! That pesky printer was just asking for it with its constant paper jams and ink cartridge tantrums! 🔪🖨️💢 #PrintersGoneWild"

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”
Commentary:
🕵️♂️🔍 Ah, the classic "Creepy Steve" scenario in every true crime podcast! It's like a game of Clue where the suspect's name is practically screaming "Guilty!" from the get-go. But hey, at least we can always rely on the community to have a unanimously agreed-upon nickname for the potential suspect, right? "Creepy Steve" strikes again! 🔎🚨
Commentary:
"Looks like I'll be trading in my calculator for a ski mask! 💸🔫 Just kidding, I'll stick to legal ways to boost my bank balance…for now! 😂💼 #ImTooPrettyForPrison"

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.
Commentary:
"Plot twist: FBI agents reading through writers' search histories must have quite the rollercoaster of emotions 🕵️♂️📚💻. 'Just researching for the next bestseller, we swear!' #AuthorsUnderSurveillance"