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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

“You smell so good!” Okay, so kiss me.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

There is no ‘we’ in ‘food’.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

There are 8 billion people in the world and I only have 3 friends, and one is annoying.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

This meeting should’ve been a fist fight.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

31 minutes ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Reported on Reddit:

Maybe the reason you haven’t found your soulmate is because you don’t have a soul.

Live now on Twitch:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Reported on Slack:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Just shared via Snapchat:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Spotted on WeChat:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Have you ever accidentally opened your front-facing camera, and it ruined your day a little?

Going viral on Slack:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My brain has too many tabs open.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Why call it a “step dad” when you could have called it a faux pas?

Home » Funny Crime Quotes

40 Funny crime quotes

Funny crime quotes are the perfect blend of mischief and mirth, sparking laughter with every word 🕵️‍♂️😂. Whether you’re a true-crime fan or just love a good pun, these witty sayings offer a lighthearted take on the world of crime and justice 🚓🤣. Dive into a collection of humorous phrases that bring a smile to your face while adding a dash of humor to the whodunits and capers we all find so intriguing! 🕵️‍♀️💼

New funny crime quotes 👇

4 days ago
Share →: First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

Commentary:
Swipe right to "who's more wanted" 😂🔍❤️
6 days ago
Share →: When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Commentary:
Accidentally turning laughter into disaster—talk about a side-splitting mix-up! 😂🤣
3 weeks ago
Share →: There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Commentary:
Feeling personally attacked by this violent act of "peanut butter mouth"! 🥜🚫💦🤣
3 weeks ago
Share →: Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Commentary:
"Next on your playlist: 'Professional Counseling Sessions' – they really hit all the right notes! 😂🎶🛋️"
3 weeks ago
Share →: I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

Commentary:
"When your productivity level is higher than the clouds 🌿⛅ but you still forget where you left your phone 😅📱 #PabloProblems"
1 month ago
Share →: Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Commentary:
"Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"
1 month ago
Share →: I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Commentary:
"Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️‍♂️🔍😂"
2 months ago
Share →: My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Commentary:
"With my DNA all over the place, I'd be caught before the crime is even committed! 🚔🔬😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

Commentary:
"Wow, talk about taking 'being the life of the party' a bit too literally! 😅🔎🚔 #PlotTwist"
2 months ago
Share →: Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

…

Commentary:
"Guess that's one way to keep your options open! 😅🚽👖"

For even more funny crime quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny crime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2268 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,430

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,430

31 minutes ago

3,454

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I feel like whoever named them rice cakes has never actually eaten a cake.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

Going viral on Slack:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Just shared via Telegram:

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I turned into the harbor of marriage, I didn’t know that a warship was anchored there.

Reported on TikTok:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

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