46 Funny crime quotes

• America was more fun when organized crime was done by Italians in Chicago.

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  1 week ago

  America, Chicago, crime, done, fun, gangster, humor, italian, nostalgia, organized, organized crime

• Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

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  1 week ago

  Batman, billionaire, bruce, Bruce Wayne, candidate, candidates, city, crime, election, elections, favor, gotham, Gotham City, politics, rigging, simply, superhero, wayne, why

• First date idea: we search for each other’s criminal history together.

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  1 week ago

  activity, couple, crime, criminal, criminal history, date, date idea, first date, history, humor, idea, joke, others, relationship, search, together

• When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

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  1 week ago

  accident, crime, death, humor, man, manslaughter, tickle

• There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

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  1 week ago

  absurdity, butter, crime, drink, feeding, food, funny scenario, giving, humor, joke, nothing, peanut, peanut butter, prank, sandwich, scenario, should, someone, story, thirst, true

• Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

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  1 week ago

  comedy, crime, entertainment, health, helpful, humor, mental, mental health, mental wellness, music, music taste, playlist, should, Spotify, suggestions, swift, taste, taylor, therapy, top, true, true crime, wellness

• I am re-watching “Narcos,” and I have to say that for someone who smokes so much weed, Pablo Escobar gets a lot done.

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  1 week ago

  am, crime, crime show, done, drug, escobar, humor, i, lot, marijuana, motivation, much, Narcos, pablo, Pablo Escobar, productivity, say, show, smoking, someone, weed

• Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

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  1 week ago

  confession, crime, duty, escape, funny situation, got, humor, jury, jury duty, situation, yesterday

• I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

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  1 week ago

  alibi, crime, dark, dark humor, friend, friendship, humor, humorist, joke, shovel, shows

• My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

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  1 week ago

  comedy, commit, crime, crime evidence, detective, DNA, everywhere, evidence, forensic, hair, humor, i, joke, leave, me, never, self-deprecating

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