35 Funny crime quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  Share →: Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, so that’s your secret 'get out of jury duty free' card! 🃏🤣 Just make sure your alibi doesn't have WiFi! 📡🚫"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

  Commentary:
  "Ready to dig up some fun and plant the seeds of innocence! 🕵️‍♂️🔍😂"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

  Commentary:
  "With my DNA all over the place, I'd be caught before the crime is even committed! 🚔🔬😂"

• 

  3 weeks ago

  Share →: Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

  Commentary:
  "Wow, talk about taking 'being the life of the party' a bit too literally! 😅🔎🚔 #PlotTwist"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Public urination isn’t a crime if you do it in your pants.

  …

  Commentary:
  "Guess that's one way to keep your options open! 😅🚽👖"

• 

  1 month ago

  Share →: Watching true crime documentaries so I can learn from their mistakes.

  Commentary:
  "Taking notes for my 'how not to plan a weekend' guide! 🍿🕵️‍♂️🔍"

• 

  2 months ago

  Share →: If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

  Commentary:
  Centuries of drama, betrayal, and power moves — like Game of Thrones but with incense 💨👑📖

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: When you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants, so it’s illegal to dig it up. Follow me for more gardening tips!

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that your backyard burial could also double as a botanical sanctuary? Remember, nothing protects your secrets quite like an endangered species—just don't forget to water the evidence! Stay tuned for more quirky gardening advice and unconventional life hacks!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

  Commentary:
  "Armed robbers really need to brush up on their negotiation skills. It's like, hello, I'm broke, buddy! 💸😂 Maybe they should consider offering financial consultations instead of robbing people! 💼💰"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's on the naughty list this year! 🎅🏼🎄 Stealing Santa's donations? That's a bold move, Cotton-Headed Ninny Muggins! 🎁 Hope you enjoy your new title: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas Cheer! 😂 #NotSoNaughtyList

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