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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2394 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,556

Funny Quotes Topics

15,236

Funny Quotes Images

12,556

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,449

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

God, please — if you don’t want someone to love me, at least make me a millionaire.

Trending via Telegram:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Spotted on Slack:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Just landed via WeChat:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

Just landed via Instagram:

Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.

Live now on WeChat:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Just landed via Snapchat:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Just landed via Slack:

The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2394 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,556

Funny Quotes Topics

15,236

Funny Quotes Images

12,556

Updated

26 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If you push your belly button and nose at the same time, your brain takes a screenshot.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Dear Math, I don’t want to solve your problem, I have my own problems to solve.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Breaking via Facebook:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Just landed via Twitch:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Spotted on Facebook:

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Making waves on Discord:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Reported on WhatsApp:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Going viral on Messenger:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Going to ask seven friends for advice and then execute my original plan.

Spotted on Pinterest:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Spotted on YouTube:

Avocado toast at a cafe: $10. Avocado toast from Uber Eats: $25. Avocado toast made at home: $550 (my labor is worth $115 a minute).

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