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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

Where did you come from, Where did you go, Where did you come from, Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WhatsApp:

Gardeners are the only people who willingly go outside to get dirty, sweaty, bitten, and sunburned… and call it “relaxing”.

Broadcasted on Slack:

This time last night, there was a spider so big in my bathroom it put me under a glass on a postcard and carried me out.

Just shared via Discord:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Just landed via X:

I need to social distance with the refrigerator so I can flatten my curve.

Live now on Pinterest:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

Breaking via Threads:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

Seen just now on Discord:

Statistically speaking, people don’t object enough at weddings.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I made you something special for Mother’s Day, my kid threatened.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media need people procrastination relationship sarcasm social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

765 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,927

Funny Quotes Topics

13,899

Funny Quotes Images

10,927

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,439

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Watching someone else control the computer and doing it differently than you would, is one of life’s greatest challenges.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Seen just now on Slack:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Breaking via Twitch:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

Just landed via Pinterest:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”

Seen just now on Discord:

A service where you bring a working printer to my house, I print the one thing I need, and you leave again until next year.

Breaking via Discord:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

Spotted on Slack:

That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.

Spotted on Snapchat:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Just shared via Slack:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

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