143 Funny give quotes

• Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

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  13 hours ago

  bedtime, bedtime procrastination, control, control issue, day, day end, end, feels, give, issue, last, personal, personal time, procrastination, sleep, sleep issue, time, yours

• Imagine giving someone your heart at Christmas, but the very next day they give it away. Haha, would feel so stupid.

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  2

  7 days ago

  away, Christmas, day, disappointment, feel, gift, give, giving, heart, heartbreak, humor, imagine, next, relationship, someone, stupid

• It’s so beautiful to see people just give up at work this time of year. I’m getting emails that do not include any complete sentences.

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  2 weeks ago

  beautiful, Christmas, complete, email, emails, getting, give, holiday, holiday season, humor, just, people, procrastination, season, sentence, time, work, year

• Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

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  2 weeks ago

  accident, accidents, back, car, car insurance, end, give, having, insurance, insurance policy, money, policy, refund, reward, safety, safety reward, should, year

• Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

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  3 weeks ago

  asked, bar, bartender, give, Google, google review, humor, insane, keep, lowkey, me, method, one-star, place, prank, review, vibe

• People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

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  3 weeks ago

  food, give, humor, importance, important, me, people, pickle, sharing

• My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

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  3 weeks ago

  give, humor, i, just, kid, kids, M&M, marriage, me, room, secret, seeing, serious, snack, surprise, talk, thought, wanted, wife

• Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

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  1 month ago

  bowl, cereal, cream, difficult, difficult scenario, example, food, give, humor, i, ice, ice cream, improvisation, interview, interviewer, me, milk, problem, problem-solving, scenario, solving, used

• “Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

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  2 months ago

  busy, communication, depends, give, humor, information, me, planning, question, relationship, rest, schedule, tomorrow

• Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

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  2 months ago

  effort, give, humor, i, love, men, minimalism, opportunity, relationship, sarcasm

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