If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Commentary:
"Oh, the cosmic giggle that must echo through the heavens when we try to impress the big guy with our squeaky ambitions! 🎈😂 Just imagine God chuckling as we float away with our high-pitched dreams! 🤣 #DivineHumor"

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Curious that talented athletes frequently credit God when they win, but we rarely see them blame God when they lose.

Commentary:
"Maybe God also has a strict 'no refunds' policy 🤔🏅🙏 #InGodsHands #WinningStreakButDontLoseFaith"

People always ask me "Do you believe in God?" and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

Commentary:
Absolutely! Who needs divine intervention when you've got self-confidence to the max? 🙌 Believe in yourself, and watch miracles happen (or at least some impressive self-improvement)! 🌟 #FaithInMeNotDeity

God: "I told you to love thy neighbor - not start trade wars with them."

God: “I told you to love thy neighbor – not start trade wars with them.”

Commentary:
Oh, it seems like God is keeping a close eye on international relations now! 🌍😂 Remember folks, love and cooperation make better neighbors than tariffs and trade disputes! 🤝💼 #NeighbourlyLove

God saw you do that.

God saw you do that.

Commentary:
"Oh, oh! Even God had to hit the rewind button on that one! 👀🙈🤭 #CaughtInTheAct #DivineIntervention"

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Commentary:
"Ah, caffeine – the ultimate 'miracle' drug straight from the heavens! ☕️🙌 No short or long-term negative side effects, just pure energy and questionable life choices. Who needs angels when you've got a good old cup of joe to guide you through the day? 😜☕️ #DivineEnergyBoost"

When someone dies people say β€œhe’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn't mingle with the staff.

When someone dies people say β€œhe’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Commentary:
Well, looks like even God has his own VIP section and doesn't bother with staff meetings! 🤣🙏 After all, running the universe must keep him pretty busy. #BossMoves #HeavenlyHierarchy

God: "You can't just say 'Goddammit!' and expect Me to damn it. There's a procedure. File the paperwork."

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Commentary:
Well, looks like even the Almighty has some bureaucracy to deal with! 📝😅 Just imagine God sitting behind a desk, sipping celestial coffee, and reviewing paperwork for 'divine interventions'. #HeavenlyRedTape

God's plan for me is super weird so far.

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Commentary:
Oh, so God is out here playing 4D chess with your life plan, huh? 🤯 Maybe there's a divine purpose behind all these plot twists and turns – just roll with it, you might end up with a super cool story to tell! 🙏✨ #DivineComedyLivesOn

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

God sends you an only child as a friend to test you.

Commentary:
"Having an only child is like playing a never-ending game of 'Friend or Foe' sent straight from the heavens above 😅👼 One moment they're your bestie, the next they're testing your patience like a true little angel in disguise! Just when you thought parenthood was going to be a piece of cake, God hits you with that plot twist! 🍰👶 #ParentingPerks #BlessedButStressed"