181 Funny home quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

  Commentary:
  "Just when you thought your bathrobe was only for lazy mornings and lounging…turns out it's the ultimate tool for getting that much-needed privacy fence! Who knew fashion could be so persuasive? 🚪🛋️🌳 #FashionGoals #NeighborhoodTactics"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

  Commentary:
  "Life is like a ketchup bottle – you're either drowning in condiments or desperately trying to scrape out the last drop 🍅♨️ Embrace the saucy chaos and always be prepared for the unexpected condiment crises in your kitchen! 😂🌭"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone took the doctor's advice quite literally! 🍬👩‍⚕️ Moving sugar to a lower shelf counts as reducing sugar intake, right? Sometimes you just gotta take matters into your own hands…or pantry shelves! 😄 #SweetSolutions

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs a museum when you are a masterpiece in the comfort of your own home? 🛋️🎨 Embrace your inner artistry, even if it comes with a side of Netflix and snacks! 🍿✨ #HomeIsWhereTheArtIs"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

  Commentary:
  Looks like someone's a purrfessional at holding a grudge! 🐱😼 Don't worry, just a little cat-itude adjustment and they'll be back to meow-sing with you in no time! 😹 #LateToThePawty

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  5 months ago

  Share →: There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

  Commentary:
  Living alone: where you're the undisputed ruler of your domain, with the added bonus of never losing your keys but also the frustration of finding them right where you left them 🏠🔑 #SoloLife #PerksAndPitfalls

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

  Commentary:
  "Living that gazebro life because man caves are so last season 💁‍♂️🏞 #GazeBroGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: The secret to a clean home? Never let your husband or children in.

  Commentary:
  "🏠💡 The real secret to a clean home? Keep the husband and kids OUT! 😂 That way, the mess magically disappears and you can enjoy your sparkling sanctuary in peace! ✨ #CleaningHack"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I’m rearranging the kitchen which is devastating for my husband because now suddenly he remembers where everything used to be.

  Commentary:
  🤣💔 Oh, the chaos of kitchen rearrangements – a significant event husbands everywhere dread! It's like a culinary treasure hunt, except the prize is, well, finding the salt shaker in the spice cabinet. Hang in there, dear husband, your culinary quest just leveled up! 🍴🔍

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

  Commentary:
  Watching Home Alone backwards is like witnessing a heartwarming tale of a little hero who uses the power of magic to fix up two unfortunate souls, literally piece by piece! 🏡🔙😂 Just when you thought the Wet Bandits couldn't catch a break… Reverse movie magic strikes again!

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