Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

Commentary:
"Feeling like the human embodiment of a needy, jealous cat 🐱🚫 Friendship monogamy only for this one! 😂 #FriendingForeverAlone"
6 months ago
Share →: You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Commentary:
"Sorry, my 'just-rolled-out-bed' look is like the ultimate shield! 💪😂 Who needs armor when you've got bedhead and pillow imprints, am I right?"
6 months ago
Share →: If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

Commentary:
"Remember, if you're feeling more electric than them, you may want to rethink your taser technique ⚡😄 Give those zaps responsibly, folks!"
6 months ago
Share →: I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Commentary:
"Who knew that a 'lark' could lead to such unforeseen consequences? 🤓 But hey, at least now you can read the fine print without squinting! Not exactly what you bargained for, but hey, seeing clearly is the real vision quest, right? 😉 #UnexpectedUpgrade"
6 months ago
Share →: I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Commentary:
Oh no, sounds like you really put your backside into it at the office party! 💃🤕 Better stretch those glutes next time to avoid a "twerk-place injury" situation again! 🍑😄
6 months ago
Share →: What do you mean I overthink things (as I wonder if I hurt my dog’s feelings by liking cat videos on Instagram)?

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's brain is doing some Olympic-level gymnastics trying to navigate the treacherous territory of social media and pet emotions! 🤯🐶🐱 Don't worry, your dog probably just wants to have a treat and a belly rub, not analyze your Instagram behavior! 😆 #OverthinkingChampion"
6 months ago
Share →: You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Commentary:
"Go ahead and try to hurt me…although I doubt your attempts will be as effective as a hip-height table corner! 💥😂 #Unbreakable #AdvantagesOfBeingTall"
6 months ago
Share →: Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Commentary:
"Looks like my ice cream skills are just too COOL for you to handle! 🍦😎 Sorry for the brain freeze! 😂"
6 months ago
Share →: Nurse: “This may hurt.” Me: “My life hasn’t been much fun either.”

Commentary:
"Looks like both the nurse and life share a common agenda – always ready to add a little extra sting! 🩺😅 Hang in there, buddy! Life's just trying to keep you on your toes (and maybe in a bit of pain)! 💉😂"
6 months ago
Share →: Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle of balancing work-life harmony! 🤔💼🏠 Just remember, aim for a paper cut level of pain, not a concussion! 😂📎 #OfficeDilemmas"