Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Sounds like you are suffering from a lack of vitamin Me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Called in, “If we’re living in a simulation, just simulate that I’m in the office today.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I live in constant fear that some douchebag is going to show up to a bonfire with a guitar.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2426 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,588

Funny Quotes Topics

15,259

Funny Quotes Images

12,588

Updated

36 minutes ago

Users Online

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I have some cake and now I’m eating it too. Not seeing the problem here.

Making waves on YouTube:

Drive like no one is watching.

Just landed via Instagram:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Seen just now on X:

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

Spotted on Slack:

I bet once Bigfoot tries cheeseburgers, he’s gonna wanna hangout with us all the time.

Going viral on Snapchat:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Just landed via Telegram:

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

Trending via WeChat:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Breaking via X:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Home » Funny Language Quotes » Page 3

111 Funny language quotes

More funny language quotes 👇

2 weeks ago
Share →: Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Commentary:
Aliens: "Ah, the sticky confusion of Earth linguistics!" 🚀👽💬
2 weeks ago
Share →: I’m an expert at having a really funny story to tell and then wording it so badly that it’s not even funny anymore.

Commentary:
Relatable! I'm basically the Picasso of storytelling—abstract and confusing 😂🎨📖
2 weeks ago
Share →: Without the words ‘literally’ and ‘like,’ I am nothing.

Commentary:
Haha, I'm, like, literally nothing without those words too! 😂🗣️✨
2 weeks ago
Share →: You can say “Have a nice day,” no problem, but saying “Enjoy the next 24 hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

Commentary:
😂 "Next time my barista tells me to 'enjoy the next 24 hours,' I'm ordering my coffee with a side of panic! ☕😅🚨"
2 weeks ago
Share →: None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Commentary:
When did I become Bruh instead of Dad? Guess I'm off to study Gen Z lingo now! 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♂️📚
2 weeks ago
Share →: We need a slur for people who use ChatGPT.

Commentary:
Sounds like a job for the "Bot Whisperer"! 🤖😄 #AIWhiz
2 weeks ago
Share →: I’m gonna be the first zoomer to start dropping the ‘two thousand’ when referring to the past. “Yeah, that was back in ‘17.”

Commentary:
Dropping the ‘two thousand’ like it’s hot! Soon I’ll be saying “Back in ‘97” and confusing everyone 😂📅 #TimeTravelerVibes
3 weeks ago
Share →: “I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

Commentary:
I knew my thesaurus addiction would eventually pay off! 📚😅 #WhyUseGPTWhenYouHaveJargon
3 weeks ago
Share →: The word ‘stan’ comes from the Eminem song “Stan” which is about one of his obsessed fans. What if Eminem named the fan ‘Dennis’? We could be saying, “I dennis Beyonce.”

Commentary:
I dennis this comment so much, I've already sent it 47 letters and a mixtape 🚀✉️🤣
3 weeks ago
Share →: Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Commentary:
When grammar goes rogue, you're just one apostrophe away from an existential crisis! 💩📚😅

For even more funny language quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny language quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I’m glad laughter is the best medicine because my insurance sucks.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t want flying cars, I want the ability to start again from my last save point.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Finally it’s Friday and I can go out. I’m putting the garbage out and I’ll be right back.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Any time I have ever uttered the phrase “no worries” I have been lying. There are many worries.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Reported on X:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

Live now on Slack:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Spotted on WeChat:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Live now on Pinterest:

Traded my Fitbit in for a Sitbit.

Just shared via Facebook:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

111 Funny language quotes

More funny language quotes 👇

For even more funny language quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny language quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I only have one wish in life… For all my dreams to come true.

Want to lose weight for the summer? Don’t worry, just check in your luggage at the airport. You’ll never see those pounds again.

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

I hope this email finds you in a well.

If I was in Jaws, instead of wishing for a bigger boat, I probably would have just asked for a smaller shark.

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

It’s okay to get rid of the boxes for the electronic things you’ve had for the past couple of years.

I’m like Pooh Bear. I just want to eat, hang with my homies, and go around pantsless.

I’m probably like this because I drank water from the hose.

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Some people are like ads, just skip.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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