884 Funny life quotes

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3 months ago
Share →: You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Commentary:
"Remember folks, skipping dusting isn't just laziness, it's a way to keep your loved ones safe. Who knows, that dusty shelf might just be a distant cousin waiting to make a surprise appearance!"
3 months ago
Share →: Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic go-big-or-go-home approach to finances! It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for them… or if they end up with more lottery tickets than sense!"
3 months ago
Share →: If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sweet sound of silence! It seems opinions are like bad breath – best kept to oneself. Unless you've got a mint, of course."
3 months ago
Share →: Being a sleepy girl with a busy life is so hard.

Commentary:
"Trying to balance being a sleepy girl with a busy life is like trying to juggle coffee cups on a Monday morning – you just know one of them is going to spill!"
3 months ago
Share →: Doing nothing is very hard to do. You never know when you’re finished.

Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless struggle of doing nothing! It's a never-ending quest with no clear finish line in sight. Just when you think you've mastered the art of doing nothing, you realize that there's always more nothing to be done. It's a true test of patience and perseverance, with the ultimate reward being… well, nothing!"
3 months ago
Share →: When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Commentary:
Well, when life gives you lemons in the middle of a snowstorm, it's either a miracle or your neighbor has a secret greenhouse full of surprises! Remember, when life throws you a curveball, just make sure it's a lemon and not a snowball.
3 months ago
Share →: Me waking up: wow, I can’t wait to go to sleep tonight.

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal optimist – always looking forward to the next big adventure… in dreamland! Who knew that the highlight of our day would be the sweet relief of hitting the snooze button? Sleep tight, dream big, and let's hope tomorrow's wake-up call is just as exciting!"
4 months ago
Share →: Lately life has been all panic no disco.

Commentary:
"Seems like the party RSVP got lost in the mail for life! 🎉🚫 Better queue up some Bee Gees and get that disco ball spinning again 🕺💃 Don't let panic crash the dance floor!"
4 months ago
Share →: Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Commentary:
"Looks like the kids' toothpaste is holding a daily meeting with the entire bathroom crew! 🚽🪞🧼 Maybe they're discussing their plan for world domination, one minty fresh smile at a time! 😄🦷"
4 months ago
Share →: Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive euphoria of an empty laundry basket – a fleeting moment of triumph before it's swiftly filled with the never-ending cycle of clothes again! 🧺⏳ #LifeGoals #LaundryDayAdventures"