876 Funny life quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

  Commentary:
  "Life: a rollercoaster ride full of ups and downs. Death: a serene slumber. Transition: the awkward moment when you're neither here nor there 😅🎢💤 #LifeInLimbo"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Been there, done that. Then, been there several more times, because apparently I never learn.

  Commentary:
  "Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, lost the T-shirt, found the T-shirt, lost it again… sounds like a never-ending cycle of life's lessons! 🤦‍♂️🔄 #LifeLessons #NeverLearn"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

  Commentary:
  "Sorry, we are currently at full capacity for annoyance 🙅‍♀️. Please try again in the next lifetime, thank you for your non-interest! 😂 #NoRoomForAnnoyance"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

  Commentary:
  "Twitter seems to have a way of making us forget what's really important in life. 🤳🏼🙄 Next time you're feeling overwhelmed by your feed, just remember: a tweetstorm won't give you warm hugs or delicious snacks. Go out and live your best life instead! 🌟🌈 #OfflineIsTheNewBlack"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the kitchen drama turned into a bathroom surprise plot twist! 🪳🚽 Who knew a cockroach could cause such a household adventure? Just another day in the life of an unexpected insect relocation expert! 🤣 #HouseholdHijinks

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

  Commentary:
  "Life's too short to hold back those pearly whites! Flash that smile while you've still got all your chompers intact! 😁🦷 #SmileBright"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Life is short, flirt with me!

  Commentary:
  "Life is shorter than my attention span, so make it interesting and flirt with me! 😉💃 #YOLO"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the art of sarcasm, the language of those who don't suffer fools gladly! 🧐 When sarcasm begets even more sarcasm, it's like entering an endless loop of wit! 🔄💬 Who needs flowers and chocolates when you've got a partner in sarcasm crime for life? 😂✨ #SarcasmGoals

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Life hack: give yourself 8 to 12 hours of alone time in the morning to mentally prepare for the day.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the elusive quest for solitude and mental preparation in the wee hours of the morning – the ultimate life hack for introverts and morning birds alike! 🌅☕️ Just don't hit the snooze button too many times, or you might run out of hours to prep and end up diving headfirst into the chaos! ⏰😅 #MorningMentor #AloneTimeAlchemist"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

  Commentary:
  Looks like karma has an impeccable sense of humor and a flair for irony! 🤣 It seems your mini-me is embodying all your best (and perhaps some not-so-great) qualities. Just wait until they start mimicking your questionable dance moves and obscure movie references! 🕺📽️ Get ready for a front-row seat to the ultimate cosmic comedy show starring you and your little doppelgänger! 🌟👩‍👧‍

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