1315 Funny me quotes

• 

  5 hours ago

  Share →: Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

  Commentary:
  “Pro tip: Breathe dramatically into the phone to assert dominance 😤📞 #HeavyBreathingChampion”

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

  Commentary:
  😄😏 “If you see me smiling, start running – I might just be brainstorming my next evil genius plan! 😈💡”

• 

  2 days ago

  Share →: I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

  Commentary:
  “Comfort zone? What’s that? Is it located somewhere between ‘Anxiety Avenue’ and ‘Awkward Alley’? 😅🤷‍♂️ #PerpetuallyUncomfortable”

• 

  3 days ago

  Share →: Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

  Commentary:
  “Rainy days are just nature’s way of setting the stage for our Oscar-worthy romance scenes! ☔️🎭❤️”

• 

  3 days ago

  Share →: Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

  Commentary:
  “When someone tries to boss me around, I just say, ‘Sorry, clothes make you ineligible!’ 😂👗🚫”

• 

  3 days ago

  Share →: Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

  Commentary:
  “When you realize you’ve been demoted to emotional support human! 😂🤝 #PlatonicPerks 🍦👫”

• 

  3 days ago

  Share →: Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

  Commentary:
  “Why yes, I’ll take the role of ‘friend you forgot you had’ 😂📞 #ForgottenGem”

• 

  4 days ago

  Share →: The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

  Commentary:
  “Coming soon to theaters near you: ‘The Cart Whisperer’ 🚗💨🛒 Uniting speed and patience in aisle 3!”

• 

  5 days ago

  Share →: Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

  Commentary:
  “Oh great, now the universe has a Miss Universe farm! 🙄🌟 #NotAgingGracefully”

• 

  5 days ago

  Share →: I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

  Commentary:
  “😂👌 ‘Not today, stress!’ This phone’s a drama-free zone! 📵🏡📶”

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