2013 Funny me quotes

• Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7, and my mom made me walk it off.

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  1 hour ago

  childhood, days, died, humor, i, injury, kids, me, mom, once, parenting, pretty, resilience, soft, sure, toughness, walk, walk it off

• It’s so embarrassing when attention seekers feel the need to tell everybody it’s their birthday in, like, every conversation, which, for me, would be today, by the way.

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  1 hour ago

  attention, attention seeker, birthday, conversation, embarrassing, embarrassment, every, feel, humor, me, need, seeker, tell, today

• I think one of my biggest hangups in getting better at Spanish is that speaking with the correct accent makes me feel racist.

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  1 hour ago

  accent, better, correct, feel, getting, hangup, humor, i, language, language learning, learning, me, racism, racist, Spanish, speaking, think

• Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

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  14 hours ago

  able, being, fantasy, huge, humor, inconvenience, me, technology, teleport, travel, wish

• My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

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  14 hours ago

  before, boss, coffee, coffee shop, complaint, denied, hear, humor, me, music, never, raise, shift, shop, today, wanted, work

• I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

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  19 hours ago

  chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week

• Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

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  19 hours ago

  Amazon, business, consumer, delivery, humor, i, me, none, oh, online, online shopping, package, please, self-awareness, shopping, tell, tracking, year

• You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

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  19 hours ago

  embarrassing, embarrassing information, exaggeration, humor, information, interrogation, me, much, pretty, sarcasm, waterboard

• I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

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  22 hours ago

  business, candid, hate, hire, hiring, humor, i, interview, job, just, me, real, stand

• Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

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  1 day ago

  explaining, humor, judge, judgment, just, me, much, myself, please, sarcasm, too, work

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